Cousin Day

LT has tennis with his buddy every week and the timing works out with naps.  This week LT was dropped off after school at my brothers house and then we headed back to Stanley to pick up another kid for tennis.  Once unloaded from the car, the 3 big guys just focused their attention completely on the little one, so cute.  

Nothing but adorable.

Collaboration and teaching, I love seeing Ads engage like this.

Field Day

  

Last week, LTs school had their annual field day.  I took Adler because I want him to see a few things that will be happening at his new school next year, plus I thought it would be fun for him.   LT was so sweet and included Ads in every activity.  At the very end of the morning, all the K12 kids did this relay (above) and ended up making a huge human train.  So cool.

 Tug of war, LT in the black shirt.

And Adler somehow at the end of the other side.

Probably my favorite event though was these two participating in the three legged race!

Snooze

For years I've heard how amazing Snooze breakfasts are, but until today I had never been.  I'm not a huge breakfast or lunch person and so the thought of spending time and money on those meals doesn't appeal to me.  However, it is Adler's first day of summer break, and a rainy one at that.  I decided after dropping LT off that taking him to Snooze would be a nice treat.  I was prepared for an hour wait and decent food.  We checked in and they told us 25-35 minutes so we went in the hallway to wait.  After about 10 minutes they sent me a text saying our table was ready.  Adler ordered pancakes and I got the breakfast tacos.  Adler liked his so much, we ordered him another whole breakfast!  My food did not disappoint, in fact it was one of the better breakfasts I have ever had.  At the end Adler said, "mommy, your pancakes are really good, but these were amazing.  Its OK, I'll still eat yours though."  

A big day

Today Adler graduated from pre-k.  It was emotional for many parents, but for me, I was just proud of our little guy.  He has come so far in the 3 years he's been there.  As a 3 year old, we had to set up a very purposeful goodbye routine and yet he still cried nearly everyday at drop off.  This year, he cried if he didn't have school.  He grew from a love for trash and trash trucks, to diggers and bulldozers, into dinosaurs, Chima and most recently a self declared mine craft lover again.  I can't wait to see his growth over the next few years in elementary school.  

Adler with his two amazing teachers.  

When I asked Adler what he wanted to wear for this special day, he said, "a button shirt, definitely a bowtie and nice button pants".  He chose his outfit from the store and proudly wore it today.  

And after his special graduation morning and class party, we rushed to the Cherry Creek reservoir for Landon's last field trip of the year.  It was a cold day, but the weather didn't stop this crew from plunging into the water and digging in the sand for hours on end.  We are so lucky both boys have had incredible teachers so far and the kids/parents in both classes are nothing less than incredible.  

Last day of preschool (party)

The parents were invited today for a party to celebrate the end of pre-k.  These two are just the sweetest.  We sure will miss seeing him everyday.

Often people comment on LTs artistic ability (which Brian and I describe as more of a creative building/inventing artistic talent).  While LT has a talent, I am blown away sometimes by Adler's capabilities, he is quite a little artist.  He sat down today and drew this airplane, very carefully and thoughtfully.  He loves drawing and will sit for a long time drawing pictures.  

His teachers told me today that despite any chaos going on in the classroom, he will focus on projects from start to finish.  

Take aparts

I have been meaning to get rid of several electronic pieces from our storage room, but for one reason or another just haven't gotten around to it.  For those of you who know me, I'm a purger, big time.  I find when my home is less cluttered, my mind and emotions are also less cluttered.  I am happier with less stuff around.  

It comes as no surprise then that when Landon's class had an old computer to take apart one day at choice time, this was the clear thing for us to do at home with our old electronics.  I wasn't able to carry our old enormous TV up the stairs, so we opted for an old DVD player to test the grounds.  The boys were engaged and I sat with them asking questions about how they thought it worked as they took it all apart.  Their answers were quite cute and amusing.  

The boys didn't forget that I had promised them they could take the old TV apart.  While I was at an orange theory class a few days ago, Brian sent me a text of them taking apart the TV, with the same enthusiasm.  We have several other things I plan on getting out this summer for them to take apart.  

K-1-2 end of year performance

Landon also had his end of year music performance recently. Each class was featured in a song (standing up front on the stage).  Adler and I were lucky to have front row seats so for the first time I actually got a decent video.

Last preschool dance performance

Adler had his final preschool dance performance.  He's really come out of his shell and is quite the little show off (especially with daddy around!)  Right before this dance the kids were lined up against the red wall.  In a silent room, waiting for the teacher to give instructions, Adler yelled out, "mommy!  Don't forget to take a video!"  He knows me well.  This was the last dance and up until he yelled at me, I hadn't taken out my phone to video a thing.  Either had Brian.  We got this one on video and I think it captures perfectly Adler, flopping around while everyone else dances.  I'm glad he's his own bird.

Adler

There is never a dull moment with this child.  

Wearing mommy's glasses.

A fancy dress found at the dentists office.

Pouting because we can't ride on the same lift as our friend.

Don't you shop with your head IN the grocery cart?

Or ride a bike from underneath?

Sitting front row at a play with mommy.

An early morning picture on the counter.

Full temper tantrum because he had to brush his teeth.

More homemade whipped cream than waffle.

No caption needed.

Breakfast. Despite our best efforts, eating *at* the table is the exception rather than the rule.

He puts himself fully into just about everything he does (for good and bad). 

With style.

His own unique style.

And his own unique ideas. This was at the park but he also instigated similar activities at school a few days later, which resulted in him losing his flip-flops buried in the sand.

Towers

Impromtu sledding

 I love the boys school.  I love it for so many reasons, but one day truly stood at as to why I love it so much.  I got an email from the teachers around 8 AM saying, "Its sunny, warm and there is a lot of snow, can you drive on a field trip in a few hours to take everyone sledding for PE?"  The weather was perfect, and the teachers were allowed to and wanted to take advantage of a special day.  I love that so many parents rescheduled things to make this happen.   I love that they call this "PE" and took the PE teacher with us.  I love that no one was a bit concerned about reading or writing, but instead teaching collaboration and being active in fun ways.

 The kids did sled, a lot, but the most fun they all had was rolling huge snowballs with the PE teacher.

 It started as an idea from a few kids and pretty soon the entire class was needed to help push the weight of the snowball.  If you take a close look at the top picture, the entire class is sitting on 3 giant snowballs.

what really killed off the dinosaurs

The mass extinction of the dinosaurs some 66 million years ago captures people's imaginations and fuels scientific debate. To this day there is not clear consensus about what really killed off the dinosaurs. 

But I know.

I know the truth.

*sigh*

It was Chima.

For well over a year Alder was completely obsessed with dinosaurs. Absolutely obsessed.  And I'll happily admit that I enjoyed his obsession. I loved reading countless books with him, looking up fact after fact on the internet, visiting the museum, and even accompanying him in his ridiculous imaginary dino play. It was fun to engage with him, to see his passion, and to learn or relearn for myself about the slice of nearly unbelievable history of our little planet. I was incredibly proud of Adler when he not only talked his teachers into doing a special unit on dinosaurs at school but then managed to get all the kids in his class genuinely excited about it. He didn't just talk his friends into following his interests but rather inspired a genuine excitement in them from his own passion. 

Then along came Chima. Or "f@&*ing Chima" as Kari and I sometimes call it while not in earshot of the kids.

"Lego Legends of Chima" is themed line of Legos. The folks at Lego have done an incredible job of building an entire world of sales and marketing around it with books, TV shows, video games and more to supplement the toys themselves. I can see how a kid could be drawn in. But from my perspective, it's a real step down from dinosaurs. The Chima characters are shallow and trite while the stories are uninspired and formulaic. 

Alder's love for dinosaurs has all but been replaced by a love for Chima. And, like the real extinction of the dinosaurs, it happened relatively quickly. It could be worse, I know, but I miss the dinos. 

     

Proud builder

Spring break 2015

 We were lucky to head back to one of our favorite family vacation spots in Phoenix for spring break this year.  I only took 3 pictures while we were there, I guess that's a sign of a relaxing and great vacation, right?

This was the first time everyone was water safe, so much more relaxing.  Several people stared at me as I watched Adler struggle in his ridiculous looking freestyle crossing the pool.  He doesn't look like he can make it, but he can!

Mud

Nothing wrong with smearing a little mud on your shirts straight from the gutter right?  These two were so happy!

Cousins

We have been so lucky for the past few months to be able to spend every Wednesday afternoon watching the boys youngest cousin.  The boys cherish their time with him.  Often one of the boys is asked on a playdate on Wednesday and they always decline saying this is their special day with their cousin.  We have started going out on adventures after his nap.  One day we walked to a nearby park, another day we went to the library (which didn't pan out the way I anticipated.  Landon wanted me to read quietly to him, Adler scaled the bookshelves nearly knocking everything off on his way and our cousin pulled books off the shelf one at a time, faster than I could put them back.  Guess that's what having 3 kids is all about.)  We have also gone to the museum of Nature and Science together, which is really fun for everyone.  This week Landon starts tennis at a nearby park with a friend on Wednesdays, so the four of us will all go and while LT plays tennis, the three of us will play in the park.  Good training for my life (hopefully) in the fall!

Elsie's tree

We are so thankful for all our wonderful close friends and family who generously donated and made this tree in honor of Elsie possible.  Thank you so much to those of you who contributed, together over $6,000 to date was donated to the Botanic Gardens!    

The plaque and tree are truly beautiful and a very peaceful place to sit and think about our beautiful daughter.  

Again, we sure wish Elsie were in our arms instead, but given the situation, we are so grateful to have a special place in her memory.  We took the boys today and spent some time sitting on the bench across from the tree.  

6 months

Its been 6 months today that we said hello and goodbye to Elsie.  As we move through time and grief, acceptance has become important.  Elsie died, she's never coming back in a physical form to be with us.  I must accept that, no matter how difficult the concept.  I must also accept that this happened, it wasn't a dream, it can't be changed, it is the truth, we have a daughter and she died.  Those words are incredibly hard to accept.
I'm not one to pour my feelings into a public blog.  Writing publicly doesn't help me move through grief.  While I have found writing to be therapeutic, I do it privately.   Luckily I have several very close friends and family that have been most helpful in my grief process.  They have stood by me, and not shied away from asking me the painful and difficult questions and patiently waited and listened as I open myself up.   They know that as time passes, I will never forget that Elsie died and they also will never forget.  We have walked this journey together and for this I am so grateful.  With that said, this blog is about our children, Elsie is one of them.  I don't have memories or pictures to share of her as she would learn to sit and eat, only my imagination of what she might be like.  However, she deserves to be recognized on this blog as one of our children.  Brian and I feel lucky to be the parents of all four of our children, in whatever form they are in.
Elsie taught me more in her short 38 weeks with me than anyone has taught me.  Gratitude being the first thing that pops into my mind.  Gratitude towards my very close friends and family that have stood with me.   Gratitude that Brian and I are working through this grief together, knowing the odds have been against our marriage from the moment we lost our child.  This wasn't just luck, marriage is incredibly difficult in easy situations and then when you are thrown the death of your child, it becomes increasingly more difficult.  We have made our marriage, and our children, our priority and both of us have worked hard at understanding one another and for that I am thankful.  Gratitude that we have two amazingly healthy little boys that make us laugh and play, even when we don't feel at our best.  Most importantly, Elsie taught me to appreciate that I never have to say goodbye to being her mom.  I don't get to parent her in the traditional sense, but I get to be her mom forever and for that I am extremely grateful.  We were deprived of the time to watch Elsie grow up, we were not deprived of being her parents and to me, that is incredibly important to remember.
Elsie also taught me how little control we have in our lives.  Our culture tries to explain everything, good and bad.  Elsie's death is not explainable.  No one could have handled things differently to give us a different outcome.  I am not perfect at this, but she taught me to work on being appreciative of the moment we are in rather than investing emotion into our future, the future is out of my control. The devastating let down when we emotionally invest in future plans that don't pan out is incredibly painful.
Elsie taught me not to fear death.  Her death was beautiful.  I can think of no better place to die than inside your mom, warm, protected and loved.  While this isn't how I will die, she showed me that death is a peaceful experience and one to embrace when the time is ready.
While recognizing that today would be her 6 month birthday is difficult, rather than reflect on all the sadness and anger grief has brought along the way, I choose to focus on the meaningful lessons she taught me through this grief process.  I welcome the occasional tears when they come, they aren't tears of a deep depression, they are a reminder of the love that I have for our daughter.
I have no doubt that she would want us focusing and remembering on all the good in our lives.  Elsie was a happy baby, constantly moving and wiggling inside me.  I know she is a happy child, wherever she is and I know she encourages the happy lifestyle that I naturally gravitate towards.  As we move further and further away from her physical presence, I take what she taught me  and continues to teach me to try and better myself and those around me.  Thank you Elsie, for all you gave and continue to give me.  I am proud to be your mom.

A Basin

Several weeks ago we were able to go up to Baba's house with some good friends and their two young boys (one Adler's age and the other a year younger).  It was a beautiful spring day and so we decided to head to A Basin for the first time with the kids.  I had forgotten how amazing the views are on a clear day!  

A little humor

A few weeks ago Brian was out of town.  I got home from a meeting around 8 PM to a garage that wouldn't close.  The boys were inside with a wonderful new babysitter, happy, but I needed to let her go home.  I was stuck in a hard place with needing to get the boys to bed, but also not able to leave our garage open unattended.  I called our trusty garage door guy, but he wasn't going to be able to be over until 9:30 and I wasn't sure how I was going to manage.  I quickly called my amazing brother who dropped everything and came over.  He asked me for a flashlight and some tools, Adler quickly jumped to helping out.  He proudly brought out his toy wooden hammer and a tiny lego flashlight.  Steve thoughtfully used the toy tools while I searched for some more useful tools.  Eventually he was able to get the garage shut and I had the garage repair man come the next morning to fix it permanently.

Baby #4

Brian and I are cautiously excited to announce that I am pregnant with our fourth child.   While this can be exciting for others, we hope that you respect and understand that we are still grieving the loss of Elsie.  We ask that as you congratulate us on this pregnancy, you not forget to acknowledge Elsie and her death.  This brings about many emotions, not all of them clear and at times quite confusing and mixed.  This pregnancy will not replace Elsie.  She is, and always will be, our third child, this pregnancy brings our fourth child, one which we are proud to be parents of.   The boys are lucky to be a family of 6 with four children.
We are due October 24th, though will most likely be induced earlier in October due to Elsie's demise so late in pregnancy.  This, we are hoping, will make October a more bittersweet month, rather than one of only difficult memories.  
The boys are cautiously optimistic about this pregnancy.  Landon has said that what happened to Elsie probably won't happen to this baby.  Adler has followed in his previous footsteps of kissing and hugging the baby.  They invested a lot into Elsie's pregnancy and I think they are incredibly brave to embrace this pregnancy with close to equal excitement.  They ask how big the baby is and have named it "little bear" or "gummy bear".   We hope for ourselves, and for them, that they will have a live baby to be amazing big brothers to.   They have been thoughtful brothers to Elsie, especially given she's not even here physically.  They draw her pictures, read her a book every night, turn on a candle to say goodnight and have made memory books of her.  This fourth baby is lucky to have such amazing brothers in his/her life.
We chose not to find out the gender of this baby (if you remember, we didn't know Elsie was a girl either).  I had the maternity 21 testing done (given my "advanced maternal age") and all the testing came back normal for this baby so far.  We asked that they seal and throw away the gender again.
We are all looking forward to meeting this little one.  We thank you all for your support, this baby is lucky to be born into such a supportive network of friends and family.  

And these two...

These two (again)

LT

A little late but this is one more pic from LT's first day of school a while back that I kinda like.