Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Little Entrepreneur

Adler: "mom, I'm going to invent something to scratch my butt whenever it needs to be scratched!"


Saturday, December 27, 2014

Another enormous dino

As I mentioned before, Adler's class had a dinosaur unit.  They did lots of fun projects, but one of the most engaging things was this enormous dinosaur made out of junk.  Adler is the self proclaimed dino expert and the whole class learned who to go to with questions.  At first I thought this was a bit obnoxious and wanted to make sure all the kids were heard and that he wasn't bossy.  I was assured that he was a positive leader, who included everyone and was really helpful.
One day Adler and I were a little late getting to school and when Adler finally got there, all the kids had been waiting to work on the dinosaur.  They ran over to see what his next plan was and Adler began happily explaining the next steps and everyone continued the work.

Friday, December 26, 2014

Little Rock Climber

One of our good family friends had a holiday party.  They hired several 8th graders from Stanley to watch all the kids while adults socialized.  In the parents bedroom is this enormous rock climbing wall, which Adler and a little friend of his climbed over and over again with the babysitters supervising.

Dear Santa


Landon, thoughtful as always, left this drawing and note for Santa.


Thursday, December 25, 2014

Dino Art

 Adler is completely obsessed with dinosaurs.  He talks non stop about them, only wants to read books that are about dinosaurs (and prefers non fiction), and has embraced dino art.  Above is his 7 foot ankylosaurus that he made at school.  I went to pick him up from his enrichment and the teachers were handing each parent their child's junk creation.  All the parents were given something small, maybe something made out of a a shoebox or toilet paper roll.  I was expecting the same.  His teacher pointed to this large creation and said, "that's Adlers dinosaur!"  We had to deconstruct it to fit it into our car and then it lived in our dining room for 6 weeks.  After awhile, I convinced him that it would be happier on our front porch, which is where it is currently.
This dipoloducus was drawn on a white board at school and so I took a picture of it.  His art has really improved with his dino interest.

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Hypothesis on how reindeer fly

The boys and I needed to do a lot of errands today and spent some time in the car.  At one point Adler asked me how reindeer fly.  I learned long ago when I was teaching preschool to throw the question back onto them if you don't have a good answer.  I replied, "What do you think?"  They laughed and talked for a bit and then I heard them collaboratively come up with a theory.  Here it is:
Adler:  "My hypothesis (I like to make hypothesises like buddy from dino train mommy) is that Santa's best friend is nocturnal."
Landon: "Yea!  And he drives a truck with big fans on the top that blow the reindeer and allow them to fly"
Adler: "Yea, and since there are so many more kids now, there are probably a lot of Santas who all have friends that drive trucks"
Landon: "Adler, there is only one santa, you mean ELVES!"
Adler: "Oh, yea, Elves, there are probably a lot of elves that drive trucks and blow the reindeer up in the air to fly around."
They were completely serious and, mostly, agreed on this imaginative hypothesis.

Monday, December 22, 2014

Blossom of Lights

We met up with Adler's friend Marin on the opening night of Blossoms of Light.  It was a warm evening (so warm that Landon refused to bring an extra jacket or sweatshirt, but decided he actually needed one once we got there and so he wore my coat).  The place was empty and so Marin and Adler had a blast running through the lights pretending they were dinosaurs and roaring at everyone and everything.  

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Field trip for Adler

A few weeks ago I drove on Adler's field trip to the Museum of Nature and Science for a supplemental info session on dinosaurs (they'd been studying dinos in class).  The teacher asked a few questions (that Adler knew the answers to, but was too shy to speak up and raise his hand).  After awhile, it was clear to both Adler and I that the teacher didn't really know what she was talking about and Adler had had enough and blurted out, "They did NOT live in the cretaceous period, they lived in the Jurassic".  She had been busted and was clearly embarrassed and our "dino expert" (as he refers to himself as), was very proud.
Adler has really embraced his friendships this year and has even had his first "drop off" play dates (a big deal when you're 5!)  These two guys above and two of his buddies at school.

Saturday, December 20, 2014

School Holiday Performance



LT wore a tie for the first time at his school holiday performance (for real anyway, I guess he wore one for a silly picture once). An email from school went out earlier in the week saying that the boys should wear slacks and button down shirts as well as coat and tie, if they hand them. LT's wardrobe has nothing of the sort so we (okay Kari actually did the work) scrambled and got him a new shirt, pants and a tie during the week. We decided to skip the coat. You can still see the right-from-the-store folds in his shirt. And he was definitely not the only one with them so I'm pretty sure we weren't the only ones that had to get new clothes for the occasion.     


And Adler ran around the gym before the show.

Backyard smores

4 cute boys making smore's in our friend's backyard.  

Friday, December 19, 2014

Treat making

Growing up, our family had lots of fun traditions around the holidays.  We made my great aunt's cinnamon rolls to have Christmas morning, decorated cookies together, held a family bookclub holiday party and/or a New Years eve party etc.  I have tried to create traditions with our kids that I hope they will remember in the same way.  In addition to making cinnamon rolls each year we also have made these scrumptious holiday treats.  I started this when LT was 2 because they are super easy to make and a 2 year old felt involved.  They consist of melting hershey kisses on pretzels and then putting an m and m on top to squish down the chocolate.  Our kids could do something much more complicated baking wise at this point, however, LT reminds me each year that we "always make the pretzel treats."  So, the tradition continues.
I just read about a super cute tradition in Iceland where each member in a family gives each other a book Christmas eve and then spends the night reading together.  I love this and hope to start it in our family!

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Life is Good


I just love this picture.  Two sweet little boys, reading a dinosaur book together, waiting for their lunch.   We have so much to be thankful for.

Monday, December 1, 2014

My baby girl


"Baby is dead" was the subject of the message that popped into my inbox as I passively and habitually checked my email during a morning meeting. Later I would see that I'd missed multiple calls and texts. How could I have missed them? As I'd been doing for days now, I'd specifically put my phone on vibrate before I went to the meeting so I'd be available. But this time was even worse. How long had Kari been alone with this?

Driving to the hospital was kind of a blur but I remember tears and anger. Mostly anger. Anger at traffic and construction detours and the parking lot with no spaces and everything that was delaying me. Kari's parents were already there and I was angry at them too for being there. That anger subsided somewhat though as I came to realize it was misplaced. I was really angry with myself for not being there in the first place (and soon enough realized how grateful I was that her parents could there when I wasn't and for all the incredible support that's come from family). Earlier that morning Kari had said she hadn't felt the baby move for a while and was going to call the doctor. We'd been though something seemingly similar with Adler and, after a long afternoon and lots of tests at the doctor's office, it turned out to be nothing. Alder was perfectly fine. So checking in with the doctor this time seemed like the right thing to do but I don't think either of us really thought (or would admit to ourselves anyway) that it was anything serious. That's the rationalization for why I went to work that morning rather than going with Kari to the Doctor. I've done a lot of rationalizing. But the guilt was overwhelming and anger was a way of trying to combat it.

I was in Jerusalem near the end of September. I am not a religious person (a self-described devout agnostic) and I am humbly ignorant of so much of the religious, cultural and historic significance of the area. I was offered the chance to pray at the Western Wall. Perhaps it was naive or even hypocritical of me but I did. It felt genuine. My intent was genuine. I prayed that all people (myself included) might find a greater capacity for empathy and compassion towards others and that they might also be more accepting and loving of themselves. I didn't pray for the heath of my soon-to-be-born baby. I didn't think I needed to. I didn't want to be selfish. I didn't think I needed to be.

Her name was Elsie Sloan Campbell.

Elsie is her name.

We hadn't told anyone her name and writing or saying it was hard. Almost as though by avoiding writing it down I could somehow escape the fact that she was gone. I left the name blank on all the paperwork I filled out the first day in the hospital. I'm ashamed to admit that there was also part of me that wanted to save her name for maybe another baby, a baby that hadn't died. But it was freeing to finally say her name, to finally write it down, to acknowledge her as a person that is, and always will be, a part of our family and our shared experience. Adler easily says what was at first so hard for me comprehend, "Elsie will always be part of our family and we will always love her."

While the words of a five-year-old sometimes bring a simplicity and clarity that escapes us adults, they aren't that always that easy or uplifting. My heart just broke as I held Elsie's lifeless little body and Adler asked, "will she grow up?"

I love you, my sweet little Elsie. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. In the abstract, before I even knew for sure you were a girl I questioned my abilities as a father to raise, nurture and protect a little girl. Daddy's little girl. My little girl. But I never even had the chance. I failed you before I even knew you. I'm so sorry.

It's no secret that I was more than a little hesitant about having a third child. It took some serious convincing from Kari and even then my doubts persisted. The truth is that I didn't want a third. But the truth is also that I wanted her. I wanted Elsie in our family. Reconciling those feelings and the inordinate guilt that comes along with them has been too much at times and a kind of numbness sets in. But numbness takes its own toll. I don't know how to grieve for a child I never even got to know. I'm thankful for the times I can break though the numbness and guilt and just feel sad. Seeing another family leave the maternity unit with a healthy little baby wearing the standard issue blue and pink hat brought me to my knees in tears in the hallway. A few days later I cried watching Landon play gently with his almost-one-year-old cousin. So I welcome the tears. I'm thankful for the tears.

I wanted to write something about Elsie. Kari shared the news a while ago in words that are more concise and eloquent than mine. But I still felt compelled to write. I'd hoped it would help me express and work though some of my feelings. Maybe it did. It took me much longer than I'd expected. I wrote many more words than I'd planned yet feel I've said much less than I'd hoped. One more thing I need to say, however, is how truly thankful we are for the overwhelming kindness and support we've received from family and friends and school and work communities. I couldn't possibly list everything and thank everyone here but the outpouring of support in so many different ways has been nothing short of remarkable. And remarkably helpful. Thank you all so much.